he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
