Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
