god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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