my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
