ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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