I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
