He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
