So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
