So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize