I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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