I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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