a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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