Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
