He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
