oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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