If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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