Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
