i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
