I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
