I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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