i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
