he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
