Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
