i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
