good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
