i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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