omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
