my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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