Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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