you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
