HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize