dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
