Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
