woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
