Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
