Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
