I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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