She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
