Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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