At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
