Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
