Hey man sorry I got all grabby
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
