I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
