I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
