i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
