and you said cock pushups were impossible
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
