my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
