Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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