At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
pop tarts are not kleenex
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
