Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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