Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
