I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
