Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize