dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
