Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
