That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
