My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
