Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
