i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
