Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
