Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
did you get engaged???
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
