I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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