i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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