there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
