You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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