Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
