Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
