if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
