When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
