My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
